If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
