i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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