goodnight i made you a song goodbye
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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