weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Even my vagina gasped.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
