SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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