so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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