im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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