dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
