Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
