I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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