You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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