The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
