ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I have demons in me.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize