how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
