I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
