Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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