I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize