Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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