why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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