my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
