kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Dignity is for republicans.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
