I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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