I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize