The maid of honor just puked.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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