I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Randomize
