Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize