Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
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