Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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