everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
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