i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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