You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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