can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
