I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
