Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
