eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
