It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
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