If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
