he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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