Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize