you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
