you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
