I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
