I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
