the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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