I heard we made out
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
