she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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