i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
