Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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