how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize