Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
