She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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