As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
