Got a toothbrush?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
we made out on top of his cat.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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