Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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