i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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