this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
