I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
don't judge my taste in strippers
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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