it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
