So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
