the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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