any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
