found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
