nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Your dad touched me again.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
