guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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