I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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