Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
