so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
