i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
