Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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