do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize