Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Four minutes until I can fart!
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
