That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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