i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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