I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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