And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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