in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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