i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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