Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
