Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
