It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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