You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm eating all of the evidence.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
