hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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