At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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