You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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