I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
