Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Houston, we have a squirter
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
