I can't breathe out the right side of my face
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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