I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
