So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
