You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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