he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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