So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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