Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize