i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
