dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
love makes seman taste better
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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