I am spending my child support on dildos
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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