She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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