sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
