Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
