dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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