I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
