It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
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