Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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