The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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