i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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