so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
