guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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