This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
