the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I just blew my weed a kiss
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize