I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
