sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
