I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
